Dealing With Anger.

So I'm emotionally exhausted. As much as I try the anger takes over.

I've been burned hard by my "closest friends" the last few weeks especially but it's been happening for a few years now if I'm being honest. And it's a roller coaster of forgive move on gossip bull crap repeat. One person unfortunately who's still in my life once again decided it was time to take a dig at me. She's telling people I hate my daughter. The only reason I'm with my husband is because I got pregnant. She claims that my husband and I don't even like each other and so on. Also that she can't wait for my oldest to grow up because she's going to hate me. My oldest daughter has ODD and ADHD so to say that is flat out rude. While Kaylynn and I have had to learn (and re learn) how to communicate I'll never give up on my daughter(s). I'm feeling very hurt. My marriage has not been the best at times, but no relationship is. However I'll never change what we've been through. It broke us and rearranged us into a much stronger couple. I love my family more than my own life so if someone thinks differently than that's a reflection of their own short comings and not my own.

Why am I sharing all of this and airing out my dirty laundry? Because we all can benefit from this lesson.

I'm hurt. I'm angry. I'm ashamed. But I am taking this "attack" and thinking it through without anger(or trying to). I can see that yes, I have made mistakes. Yes I have said words in a heated minute that I regret immensely.  Overall I AM HUMAN. But what should truly mark our character is how much we try to CHANGE. How open we are to criticism and owning our mistakes. I am by no means a perfect mom or perfect wife but I still do not deserve to have my name ran through the mud. But the anger will do me no service. This person obviously is insecure and reflecting their faults and short comings onto me. Breaking me down to build themselves up. It's a false tense that will only fail and they'll need to repeat the slander to again rebuild. I'm not interested in playing that game. However I do not have to stay connected to that person. As is I have as little contact as possoble. Soon it may prove to even become no contact what so ever.

I'm growing as a person so I can better serve my children, my husband and our world. Anger serves no purpose. It doesn't fix things. And often it creates more problems. Now I'm still human so naturally my first reaction was pure anger. I was very pissed off. But then I thought about it and I had to laugh.

"People who live in glass houses should not throw stones." I'll leave it at that.

Again I'm not perfect.
No one is.
We're human.
This person is miserable with their life. They've lost a lot. They probably hate themself so thus have to reflect that onto the closest target. Which is sadly usually me these days. It hurts that I've lost this person. We were family. And I have never had the chance to try and fix things nor have I ever been presented with what I did wrong to this person. But their anger is poisoning them and so they have to try to spread that same poison else where to try to void it from their life. When in reality it just creates a bigger problem.

I use to be the same way. It did me no favors. In fact it acted like acid and burned everything around me. It burned my perception of things. It burned relationships. It burned my self esteem. Again it did me no favors.

So please. Let go of anger.
And let go of angry people.
Speak honestly.
Don't gossip it's pointless.
Learn better topics to talk about than people.
If someone hurts you see it from a different perspective. See that they are hurting and spitting out anger; trying to rid themselves of it. Do not engage them in that anger. Again it's so pointless.

Anger is a reactive emotion. It is caused by an action of pain or grief and then resurfaces as anger until the cause is addressed and dealt with. So deal with it. And then leave it. Life is too short to waste too long on anger or toxic people.

Xo